Stupidity Should Be Painful

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein

I don’t mind admitting that I hate Winter. It’s not just the cold and the wet, but when you’re hauling construction material, nearly all your loads evaporate from the log. Still, today, I had a load of concrete pipe to deliver this morning. (One piece. Yay.) It was probably the first real load I’d had in a while, and it was something of a relief.

I finally found the location after some argument with the dispatcher and others. It was a haul road running behind one of the local auto malls, and things would have been fairly easy, save for the fact that it was blocked by a set of transfers that had run off the edge. A tow truck and a 950 Cat were hooked up to it, and while I sat and watched, they were getting the trailer upright and back on the road. It was a time consuming job, not to mention dirty and difficult.

I decided there were better things to do than sit behind the wheel and watch as they hooked the trailer out of the ditch. I walked over, and tried to see if I was still headed in the right direction. The laborer, who had been doing much of the ugly stuff in getting the transfer back on the haul road, confirmed I was. That was some of the first good news I’d had for the day.

At the same time, he told me and a few other standing around about what happened.
The driver was hooking a U-turn, for some unknown reason, and the next thing he knew, he was sitting at a 30 degree list, with the transfer trailer heading towards 45. With the rain falling hard and heavy, it wasn’t long before his tractor’s wheels weren’t getting any bite in the red clay mud that caked up in the tread, even in twin-spin.

The laborer headed over to the driver when he saw he was stuck. “Can I give you a hand?� he asked.

The driver nodded and clambered out of the truck, extending his hand. “Hello,� he said. “My name is ’Mud.’�

I have to laugh about this. Obviously, this is a driver who’s got a few miles under his wheels. It goes without saying that shit happens, and as in any other case, you might as well laugh about it.

It takes you time to get to the point where you actually can laugh about your mistakes. I’m still working on that. It’s a sign, though, that you’ve achieved a degree of maturity as a driver, and as a person, when you can.

God only knows I’ve made some real winners in my life. Some of the mistakes I’ve made have left me wondering how I’m still able to draw breath, much less drive. But, you learn from them, and hopefully, you can pass on what you’ve learned to someone else.

One of the more memorable mistakes I’ve made came while I was securing a flatbed load. I had the winch bar in the hole, and was ratcheting the thing down. I could get it almost tight enough, but not quite. I wanted one more click, just to be safe.

Now, bear in mind that I was a flatbed newbie. I had very little experience at the time with flats, so there were bound to be mistakes made. But this one was so stupid, I still have a hard time justifying that I even made this one.

The way I saw it, I just needed to get a little more weight on the winch bar. Everything would click into place, and I would be on the road. No problemo, I’d just shift the bar slightly, and stand on it. Extra weight, everything secure. Right?

So, there I was, on another rainy day, securing this load, with the soles of my boots slick from mud and some grease from another guy’s truck. The boots were older, so the heels had been worn down to next to nonexistence. I slipped the winch bar into a socket, put my right foot onto the bar, pressed down, and the next moment, heard a loud “THWACK!�

That was followed by something ringing in my ears, a persistent “dingdingding…!� which seemed to grow stronger as I noticed that even though it was midday, I didn’t need a telescope to see the growing array of stars which surrounded my head. Of course, I might have had a greater appreciation of this astronomic display if I weren’t on the ground, trying to keep from passing out from the pain in my groin.

I don’t know how long I was lying there. I do remember another driver standing over me, shaking his head, saying, “You just had to try it, didn’t you, Toad?�

Newbies make mistakes. That’s a given. Some of them can be sad and tragic, and others can be laugh out loud funny. You hope as you train someone that you can keep them funny. As one example, there was the time a few years ago I was training a new guy we'd hired right out of a trucking school in the area. Saying he was green would have been something of an understatement, but he was, and I was the poor schmuck who got stuck training him.

Of course, he had to tell me everything he knew about trucking, (most of it, even if it did come from a trucking school, was wrong). He also told me he knew a ten-speed, even as he was grinding gears from first through eighth. (I still don't know how he managed that one.) I wasn't supposed to argue with him, and I sure as hell didn't have the time to try and correct the countless mistakes he made. I was simply supposed to ride with him and keep him from rolling the truck over the edge of the road.

So, after several hours of this misery, we pull into the yard. We fuel up, (the newb telling me we didn't HAVE to do that!), and I tell him that once we park it, I'm going to finish up the paperwork, then head up to the office. I no sooner park the rig than he hops out and heads off. He has no interest in learning how to fill out the paperwork, the scale tags, or making sure his log is legal. (No, he didn't know how to fill out a logbook.)

So, I finish up, and lock up and start towards the office. That's when I notice at the fuel island that the newb is standing by the trash can. It turns out he's a dumpster diver, and in one hand, he's got a bottle, and in another, a cap. Someone has decided to not leave a "bomb" by the side of the road, but brought it back to the yard, and the newb has found it.

I get up to him just as he mentions, "You know, this lemonade tastes funny."

I didn't know whether to choke or laugh. "Dude. That's not lemonade...."

I guess I should have told him that Fast Orange isn't meant to be taken internally, but by then, he wasn't listening. Not that he had been the whole day, but, what the hell...

Keep in mind, on those occasions when I train, I’m just trying to pass on to someone a little of what I’ve learned, (usually the hard way), in order to keep someone from making the same stupid mistakes. It’s a matter of basic decency for me. Why let someone do something painful when there’s no need for it?

Of course, there are those who will insist on making those mistakes. For them, pain may be the only teacher of consequence.

And so, a few weeks ago, I was training a new guy in running flatbeds. We had just gotten loaded with several large box culverts -- large, open boxes made of concrete -- which would be hauled over the hill to Fernley, NV. It’s a simple load, and if anything, your biggest concern with your straps and chains is making sure they’re snug. We got the newb loaded first, then I got mine on. We started to strap our loads down.

The newb had just gotten his straps tossed through the boxes when I told him, “You want to do a tuck and roll on those. It’ll be a lot quicker for you to unstrap and store when you get to Nevada…�

The newb wasn’t having any of this. “Shut up,� he growled at me. “I went to trucking school. You didn’t. I know what I’m doing.�

Well, not really. He ran the whole strap through the winch, then rolled it up and tucked it under. He’d just added to the work he had to do when he got to the construction site.

I was secured in about ten minutes. The newb was still working on his load, so I decided to offer my assistance to him. “Hey, if you’d like, I can get those forward two knocked out while you…�

“Would you just mind your own business?� the newb snapped. “Geez! You didn’t go to trucking school. I did, so I know what I’m doing. Just go tend to your own load.�

I shrugged. No big deal. If he knew what he was doing, there wasn’t anything I could do for him.

At least, not until I saw him slip the winch bar’s end into the socket, and begin to raise his right leg…

“Uh, dude, you REALLY don’t want to do that! Trust me, you’re going to…�

“SHUT UP!� the newb yelled. “I have just about had it with you! You act as though you know everything! You don’t! You’re not the boss of me, Old Man, so shut the fuck up!�

Old man? Okay, I thought. Whatever turns your crank. Stupidity should be painful.

I stepped back and watched as he raised his right leg, began to press down…

THWACK! Dingdingding…

I shook my head as I walked over to the newbie, who was laying on the ground, groaning. A yard guy came up alongside me. “Damn, didn’t you tell him he shouldn’t do that, Toad?�

I shrugged. “Hell, don’t look at me. I’m just some dumbass old man who never went to trucking school. What can I teach him?�

Sites to See:

Help find missing children and adults. Check out the website for Project Jason. And tell Kelly that Roadtoad sent you.

If you've ever had the CB on and wondered what we're talking about, this site might help you understand some of what you're hearing.